GetShotByElla.com is overflowing with positives to be able to share with our blog readers news about the book Think and Grow Rich Stickability from author and motivational keynote speaker Greg S. Reid (http://bookgreg.com/) and The Napoleon Hill Foundation. Readers of the original Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and The Napoleon Hill Foundation’s Think and Grow Rich: Three Feet From Gold with Greg S. Reid will appreciate this treasure.

Update: I’ve blogged here about it, enthused in live conversations about it, written my own recommendation on Amazon, and will continue to rave about this book because the more tools we each have to move forward with our goals the better for all.

‘”Stickability” by author Greg S. Reid is a voice to listen to continuously with repetitive reads through the daily decisions and challenges as your vision unfolds. There are less than a handful of contemporary authors that have made such a positive impact on me that I make sure to stock several copies of their books on my shelves to share. Greg S. Reid is one of those authors. ‘ ~Ella Chabot

Available on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Stickability-Perseverance/dp/0399165827

Get Shot By Ella Sunface T

GetShotByElla.com team member Gabriella Shelow wears many hats. Gaby, as we fondly refer to her in our studio, is the designer of the GetShotByElla.com Sunface design (Pictured right).  Gaby was also instrumental in the theme selection and set-up of this website. When she is not helping out at GetShotByElla.com, she is a writer, teacher, photographer, artist and swim coach. She is an avid recreational athlete and in addition to swimming, enjoys running, surfing, skiing, snowboarding and hiking. Her memoir blog, Swimming Lessons, offers “life strokes” that are universally applicable. (Names have been altered.)

By Gabriella Shelow

As I think back on some of my favorite childhood memories, there is one thing that unites them, swimming. Swimming has been an important part of my life for as long as I can remember. My collage is filled with pictures of me as a baby when I first started swimming; pictures of me playing at my grandparents’ pool, pictures from my first swim meet, and pictures from my last swim meet as a competitive swimmer in high school. Looking back on my childhood swimming career and my current involvement in swimming, it becomes clear that swimming has been more for me than just an energy outlet. Swimming has shaped who I am as a person. It’s taught me some of the most important lessons in my life and given me some of my most admirable character traits. Specifically, swimming taught me the invaluable lessons of self-reliance and self-motivation. Early on, I learned to compete with myself instead of those around me.

I had my first swim lesson before I was even old enough to walk. Being a spring baby, my mother spent her first hot summer with me at the pool. She claims it was the only thing that kept me from being fussy. As she floated around with me in the cool water, teaching me to blow bubbles and put my head under the water, I doubt she even imagined the love affair she had sparked.

At seven years old, I was a hyper kid. The pediatrician told my mother that I might be suffering from ADHD and that I could be put on medicine to help me calm down. My mother had a different idea. Instead of putting me on medicine, she put me in the pool. That summer, in the hot Florida sun, I started swimming for the Community Aquatics Club team – a team I would spend many more years on. I started off at the Gator level (the lowest of the three levels before the competitive team), and I couldn’t have been happier. I remember thinking I was Ariel, from the Disney movie, fluttering around the pool in my favorite Little Mermaid bathing suit. When I wasn’t at swim practice, I was at my grandparents’ pool acting out one of my favorite scenes from The Little Mermaid. I could recite every single line from the movie, start to finish, by heart!

According to my coaches at the time, I was a natural in the water. I quickly moved from Gators to Sharks, and then to Dolphins – the highest level before entering the competitive team. I remember the night my mom asked me if I wanted to move up to the competitive team. Her biggest concern was that it would still be fun for me. She knew that I loved swimming and really enjoyed it. The idea of putting me onto a competitive team at a young age had her worried because she didn’t want swimming to become something I resented. Not me. I was eight, and I couldn’t imagine anything better in the whole wide world. To me, swimming was the best way to spend my time. It wasn’t about competition or winning, it was about having fun and being with my friends. It was still a totally pure sport.

From then on, I spent almost every single day after school at the pool, swimming for Coach Finn. It wasn’t long before I caught the competitive bug. It was hard to avoid it. All the praise I received from my coaches and teammates when I did well made it hard to not focus on winning. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that winning wasn’t everything.

There was always one girl who I wanted to beat in the pool. Her name was Mason and her parents were those overly obsessive stage parent types. They watched every single practice and would coach Mason relentlessly from the sidelines, often even contradicting what Coach Finn told her. I hated Mason because everyone thought she was a faster swimmer than me, even though our times were extremely close. I frequently overheard her parents comparing her to the rest of her teammates, talking about how much better she was than everyone else. Now, as an adult reflecting back, I realize that it was silly for me to be bothered about this, but as a kid, their behavior really upset me, especially since my parents refused to brag about me in front of anyone, no matter how many times I secretly pleaded with them in the privacy of our home. Now I understand they were absolutely right.

During middle school, I finally got my retribution on Mason and her parents. At a home swim meet, I beat Mason in the 100 yards breast stroke event. I beat her good, too, by about half a body length.

All of our teammates rushed over to my lane screaming in celebration. Their congratulations to me were meant as slams to Mason. None of them were overly fond of the high and mighty pedestal her parents had managed to erect for her on the pool deck. Mason was in the lane next to me, and she heard it all.

But that wasn’t enough for me. I jumped out of the pool and ran up to my mom and dad who were sitting in the bleachers. Full of pride, I boasted to them that I was, in fact, better than Mason. My dad didn’t respond, and my mom gave me a stern look. Mason’s parents were sitting right behind them. They were proceeding to yell at Mason for not winning. Suddenly hearing them and viewing the crushed look on Mason’s face, reality hit me.

I didn’t even need the lecture I received on the car ride home. I already knew what I’d done. It wasn’t Mason’s fault that her parents were like that. Worse, I hadn’t made Mason mad; I had hurt her feelings. She had even congratulated me afterwards for winning the race. I was so out of line.

From that day on, I never worried about beating someone else in the pool. I worried about beating my own time and having a personal best. In the end, this worked out well for me. I learned to look inward if something wasn’t going my way, rely on myself to make improvements. This wasn’t just in the pool either, it leaked into other parts of my life, like school, work, and even in relationships.

This work ethic that swimming gave me has stayed with me my entire life. The decision to stop swimming competitively was hard. I remember that phone call with my coach. He laid out my options for colleges I could swim at, all Division three schools with no scholarship money attached. It wasn’t easy giving up something I loved so much, but I knew what I was looking for in a college and a small school just wasn’t it. I was ready for new challenges, so I left swimming behind, or so I thought.

Now, more than eight years later, I’m involved in competitive swimming again, only this time I’m involved as a coach. I see my little seven and eight-year-old swimmers, and they remind me of myself. Some are so excited just to be in the water, much like I was in the beginning, while others have already found that competitive streak and spend entire practices and meets trying to beat others.

At a swim meet last weekend, I sat down with one of my little swimmers, Nick, after I watched him get into an argument with five members of the other team. As he explained to me that the other team had started it by saying they were going to beat him, I was instantly reminded of myself and how I used to feel when Mason’s parents would boast about her. I did my best to impart my wisdom to Nick, telling him that the great thing about swimming is that it’s all about beating your own time, not beating someone else in the pool. I encouraged Nick to focus on getting a personal best.

I didn’t really know if what I said to him had sunk in or not, but I let it go. With seven-year-olds, I know I’ve only got about 35 seconds before I completely lose their attention. But then something amazing happened. Well, I thought it was amazing. Nick came in second place in his race. He was actually beat by another kid on our team. He hadn’t seen it coming either. I looked at him. He was upset, but not as upset as I was as I watched his mom run-up to him demanding to know what had happened and why he hadn’t won the race. And then Nick did something that made me extremely proud, he repeated my speech to his mother, telling her that it was not about what place he got in the race but about his time. Then he stormed off away from her. I smiled as Nick’s mother looked at me with a bewildered expression. I don’t know if that experience will be Nick’s turning point or not, but I was proud that he had at least put the competitiveness away for the rest of that day.

Swimming will always be a part of my life. Whether I am competing, coaching, or simply using it for exercise, swimming is a part of me. I can absolutely say that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. Through swimming, I’ve learned to be self-reliant, self-motivated and inward-looking, skills that have benefitted me throughout my life, and skills that I hope to impart to my students and swimmers.

GetShotByElla.com introduces the first cookbook from non-profit Growing Healthy Kids, Inc. written by its visionary CEO, epidemiologist Nancy L. Heinrich M.P.H.

Nourish and Flourish: Kid-Tested Tips and Recipes to Prevent Diabetes shares the secrets of Growing Healthy Kids documented success stories resulting in children making food choices that put them on the path to a healthier life. The book is filled with the same tips Heinrich uses in “Growing Healthy Kids in the Kitchen” educational programs.

Founded in 2009, Growing Healthy Kids, Inc. has been working for the past four years to halt, reverse, and prevent childhood obesity and combat diabetes.

Heinrich is a beacon of light working with schools and service organizations to offer hands on healthy eating information, garden planting projects and exercise activities for children, as well as workshops for parents. The non-profit has reached thousands of children and adults through its educational programs and healthy cooking workshops.

With “kid tested” recipes and ideas, the book shows parents how to make simple changes that move children away from the bad foods high in sugar, salt, and fat and “gets get kids screaming for more vegetables and whole grains on their plates.”  Included in the book are shopping lists for busy parents to make it easy for the whole family to eat healthy. Many of the book’s recipes make delicious, healthy, and economical school lunches, as well as work lunches for moms and dads.

“When you engage kids in the garden or the produce market and then play with them in the kitchen, making a game of focusing on healthy foods, to create a fun recipe together, they make better choices,” says Heinrich.

The release of Nourish and Flourish: Kid-Tested Tips and Recipes to Prevent Diabetes was timed to support the President of the United States’ proclamation declaring September 2012 National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month.

GetShotByElla.com is honored to have design illustrations created by artist Ella Chabot especially for Growing Healthy Kids included in the new book.

Nourish and Flourish: Kid-Tested Tips and Recipes to Prevent Diabetes, is available at http://www.amazon.com  and at the Growing Healthy Kids Variety Store, 3300 43^rd Avenue, #4, Vero Beach, Florida, 32960.

To order bulk copies for your school or parent group or to book author Nancy Heinrich to speak to your organization, please send an email to growinghealthykidsnow@gmail.com .

For additional information on Growing Healthy Kids, Inc. visit http://www.growinghealthykids.blogspot.com/ .

Always in quest of people, places, actions and events that reflect our company’s vision of the “Positive Infusion” GetShotByElla.com was intrigued by a recent facebook page request from Karen Rudolf to “LIKE” Conscious Company.

Their “about” section states, “Conscious Company was designed to create a landing site for raising conscious awareness regarding inner healings, life’s experiences where lessons are learned  and shared, that others might gain the pearls of wisdom from each other.”

Karen Rudolf is the creator of Conscious Company.  Readers can view the Conscious Company page on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/index.php?lh=8a2ea2bb24017f89c98c9f5120a9c5f2&eu=wwfC8vKwZ7rOiSHp4aBSfQ#!/CCpearls

Followers of @ShotByEllaPhoto received our posting “Re-invent, re-invent, re-invent. Then push forward and believe,” on their twitter feed in September 2012.  GetShotByElla.com  strives to dance to the tune of that tweet each day.  Some days that music flows sweeter than others! On those days when the snack that arrives is a plate of lemons, making lemonade can present a challenge if the sugar is low!

All of us experience those days, and even extensive periods, when things get “out of whack” and “off track.”  Friends, family, spiritual advisers, and mentors can provide priceless caring and support. However, some challenges are best resolved with the input of a professional life coach.

Much as a professional sports coach trains players how to implement winning strategies during competitions, a professional life coach guides clients through life challenges with techniques that contribute to more balanced emotions and health, enabling them to overcome fears and attain objectives with confidence and in a timely manner.

Professionally, Karen Rudolf is a life coach for her company TranquilSOULutions and has developed The TranquilSOULution workshops and seminars to empower attendees in life situations and experiences. (View at http://www.tranquilsoulutions.com/tquil/aboutmeas )

“I work from a belief in the Law of Attraction and our being responsible for our words creating our own world,” says Karen.

Karen also facilitates individual clients through various transitional life experiences from what she terms a “‘W’holistic” approach.

Karen elaborates, “When I say “‘W’holistic” I am referring to mind, body and soul. I use communication and various visual techniques that enable clients to look at their existing belief systems which may be sabotaging and holding them back from reaching their fullest potentials. Together we focus on shifting their perceptions towards a positive outcome.”

Through her own unique process of visual coaching, Karen guides clients toward a shift in perceptions that frees them to grow and develop and begin leading lives of expanded horizons and greater fulfillment. Possessing strong listening skills is a critical component to her success with clients.

“I truly believe life is a conversation which emanates from within, and we all have the ability to change those inner dialects to make a difference in our own lives,” says Karen.

Recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who for showing “dedication, leadership and excellence in personal development coaching,” Karen has 30 years of professional experience. She is a nurse and certified life coach. Her training includes a two-year intensive program in communication which included team management and leadership training skills. Additionally, she is licensed through HeartMath as a Provider for stress management and the management of overeating disorders and is currently in the process of getting certified as a spiritual practitioner.

Who is Karen Rudolf at core?  “Who I am is unstoppable,” Karen states matter of fact.

For more information about TranquilSOULutions, visit http://www.tranquilsoulutions.com

To reach Karen to inquire about a personal session, e-mail karen@tranquilsoulutions.com or connect with her on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/karen.rudolf.14

Senorita Limonita margarita mix creator Debbi Phipps is pictured on top of a mountain in her favorite hiking area in Arizona, wearing a one of a kind lemony version of Get Shot By Ella’s “Sunface” design

Who is Senorita Limonita? Margarita Mix Manufacturer Debbi Phipps, pictured here literally on top of a mountain in her favorite hiking area in Arizona, wearing a one of a kind lemony version of GetShotByElla.com Sunface design, describes her journey of reinvention and the creation of product trademark and brand identity Senorita Limonita in the following guest blog:

 Debbi Phipps Creator and Manufacturer of Senorita Limonita Margarita Mix

Although my driver’s license says Debbi Phipps, I am also known as Senorita Limonita. I not only created the most awesome margarita mix on the planet, but an exciting and world-changing multi-million dollar brand. SEÑORITA LIMÓNITA™ margarita mix is not bitter and acidic but smooth, refreshing and delicious! It gives you NO heartburn! It contains NO high fructose corn syrup and is reported to be a healthy blend of sugar and acidity. It is LOW in calories and gluten free. Experience the taste of the tropics with a single sip!

My life has been filled with health, fitness and a world of creativity. I noticed a few years back that I seem to have the ability to motivate and inspire others. I often pondered that maybe I needed to become a personal fitness trainer or what I could do to channel this energy and share this ability.  Through divorce and financial annihilation, I found myself in a position in April 2010 with the need to totally re-invent myself.  It was up to me to change things around. I decided I did not want to work for someone else, but wished to create my own life. Along with my laptop computer, I could go anywhere in the world to promote my business. I tell people that I did not have the money in my budget to hire a spokesperson for the margarita mix formula I created two decades prior (my personal claim to fame), so I created my own. Senorita Limonita made her first playful appearance on facebook in June of 2010. Through her, I entered the world of social networking, not only promoting her, but unexpectedly promoting myself and inspiring others in the process. I had inadvertently found my avenue.

I’ve always felt that working out in the morning before I start my day energizes me. I think more concisely and accomplish more. I had been in a difficult relationship, and was in need of self repair. Although I had worked out in some form every day, I began to include a strong regime of hiking the mountains of Arizona.  After all, one gains a tremendous new perspective when reaching the top and taking in the amazing views. All is right with the world on the top of a mountain.

As I began to post my hiking adventures on facebook, I was amazed at the responses. “You are my idol, woman.” “I want to be in good enough shape someday to hike Camelback just like you!” “Can I come?” “Can anyone join you?”

As the responses on my personal facebook grew, Senorita Limonita continued her quest to promote her amazing mix on Facebook.  As a result, it became necessary for me to BECOME the physical icon personality of Senorita Limonita, a bikini model (Note: Debbi is an official Ujena Bikini Model.), a runner and a golfer! My facebook posts became a mix of hiking, exercising, running marathons and playing golf!  I wonder what exciting adventure waits around the corner? It has become apparent that I am not like everyone else, I don’t think like everyone else, and I am not living a life like everyone else, but it is the most exciting and rewarding life that I ever could imagine.

For more information about Senorita Limonita, call 602-363-6936 or visit www.SenoritaLimonita.com .

Joyce Barton

Joyce Barton – The energetic and dynamic Joyce Barton stopped by GetShotByElla.com December 11, 2011 display for the Bubbles Bags and Bling event benifitting Sunshine Physical Therapy in Vero Beach, FL.

Joyce shared news of her events and placed a bid on the GetShotByElla.com raffle item, a one of a kind imprinted tee.  Congratulations to Joyce on her winning ticket!

Joyce enthusiastically summarizes her webinars with the following remarks: “Your Body is brilliant  You simply have to assist your body in doing what it was designed to do.  You were designed to be full of energy. Are you? You were designed to be the perfect weight. Are you?  You were designed to be bright. Are you?  In this workshop, we will explore the body’s need for good nutrition, the importance of removing toxins and waste effectively, and the optimal foods to eat for high energy.  I will show you how to assess any health concerns in a supportive and caring manner.  Give yourself the opportunity to learn how you can shine through your brilliant body!”

For more details on Joyce Barton, go to:  www.foodwithjoy.com

The enthusiastic feedback GetShotByElla.com received about our feature on motorcycle racer Nadine Lajoie prompted a guest blog invitation to another one of our favorite motorcyclists, former U. S. Air Force Master Sergeant Eldonna Lewis Fernandez, otherwise known as the Pink Biker Chic. Don’t let the pink fool you. Deployed to the Middle East after 9/11 and retired from active duty as a contracts negotiator in the Air Force in 2003 after 23 years of service, Eldonna Lewis  is a force to be reckoned with. Trained to survey every room she enters and keep her back to the wall, she reveals the impact of stress and trauma in combating faulty decision-making as she trains women how to re-think and re-direct their energies for higher performance and better bottom-line professional and personal decisions. The signature acronym for P.I.N.K. is Power, Integrity, Negotiation and Knowledge!

Eldonna is the CEO of Dynamic Visions International Inc., a seminar training company.  She is also the  editor of GoPink magazine online, created for women  motorcycle enthusiasts. Eldonna created www.GoPINKMagazine.com  as a vehicle to empower success and provide a voice for women motorcyclists, veterans and non-veterans. Additionally, she is a co author of the award winning Heart of a Military Woman which is a compilation of stories by, for and about military women, and a contributing author to the book  Heart of a Woman in Business, a collection of inspirational stories for women in business.
Eldonna conducts PINK Carpet interviews at motorcycle and business events for bikers and entrepreneurs.

Further, Eldonna offers a dazzling complimentary clothing line for our customers to hang with the Get Shot By Ella tees in their closets. Get Shot By Ella customers, especially fans of our motorcyclist inspired “The Wave” design, will enjoy the fun and sparkles of The Pink Biker Chic clothing line!

Eldonna’s education includes an Associate of Science degree from the Community College of the Air Force in Contracts Management and an Associate and Bachelors of Science degree from Park University in Business Management. She is a certified Level III in the Acquisition Professional Development Program in Contracts and certified in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis, as well as a Certified Coach and Consultant.  Eldonna serves on the board of the International Empowerment Education Foundation and coordinates the speaker’s bureau for the Women’s Peace Campaign. She is also a member of the CEO Space business organization.

To contact The Pink Biker Chic, e-mail eldonna@GoPINKMagazine.com or go to the website at http://PinkBikerChic.com .

Eldonna’s guest blog for GetShotByElla.com Finding Voice and Accelerating into Song follows:

By Eldonna Lewis Fernandez, former U. S. Air Force Master Sergeant

Recently I started taking singing lessons with the Amazing Cindy Ashton, http://cindyashtonentertainer.com . She is a classically trained vocalist and has an incredible story. We have our lessons on Skype which makes it easy for both of us not to have to travel and connect at anytime. I decided to take voice lessons because through my work with Frontier Trainings (www.FrontierTrainings.com), Founder, Clinton Swaine and I wrote a song for my rock star persona “Pink Diamonds “ to sing. The song is called Empower, Dare to be Great and it’s all about taking your life to another level. I recently went to record the song and was not up to the level of performance ability where I could successfully record it for a CD. After I left the recording studio, I made up my mind to record the song in excellence which is why I hired a voice coach. Professional coaching equals professional results.

Somewhere in the back of my head there was always this little voice telling me to doubt my ability to sing and that I just didn’t have what it took to be a performer. Someone even told me that I’d be an ok singer for Eldonna but never a real performer. Basically they were saying I could struggle through the song and with editing they could make it sound good, but it wasn’t going to be that great and not to expect to be any rock star performer. The way I feel about myself today enabled me to get ticked off with that statement and decide to do everything I could to sing and perform in excellence. When I signed up for voice coaching I still had doubt about my ability. Maybe I really won’t be able to sing and my dream of performing is all some big fantasy. As we started the first lesson; I was happy to hear that not only do I have a good range, I was also assured that I can sing in tune and will be an awesome performer with professional training which isn’t going to take decades to achieve. I am taking the action and getting the professional training to achieve the results.

On the 3rd lesson we were going through the vocal exercises and Cindy asked me on one why I couldn’t just let it go. That particular exercise was a letting go kind of exercise where you just go for it and be uninhibited with your voice. I started to think about it. Why can’t I just let go? I know it to be true that I don’t let go. I can feel myself holding back when I get ready to sing. It’s sort of an unconscious thing but when she asked me that question I became keenly aware of the fact that I am not letting go. What is that about? Why am I doing that?

The more I thought about it the more I realized what it was. It came to me so clear and in the forefront of my mind that I wondered why I never thought about it before. I believe we aren’t shown the things to work on until we are ready to actually work on them. This wasn’t in the forefront of my past work to heal myself because it wasn’t something I needed to deal with until I was actually choosing to go back down the path to sing. God has a way of working so smoothly that things just pop in when it’s time to work them out.

As Cindy and I were talking through my hesitation and holding back, this experience came back to me:

About 21 years ago I was pregnant with my daughter. I was a member of a predominantly black church and had auditioned for my church choir. I remember being petrified at the audition. I had to sing on a microphone with the band. I was used to singing along with the choir and piano or organ and a hymnal. I would listen to the people around me to get the notes. I didn’t read music that well. This singing on stage with a microphone thing totally freaked me out. At that time in my life I had very low self esteem, very little self confidence and was petrified to speak in front of a group let alone sing solo in front of anyone.

I didn’t know the songs they played other than one and they let me sing it acapella because I couldn’t figure out how to sing along with the band. I hadn’t had any training in that area, been required to audition for a choir or done anything like that before. I didn’t even know the complete words to the song I sang and figured I bombed the audition. I was excited and surprised to find out I made the choir. I wasn’t sure why they accepted me after what seemed like a failed audition.

I was the only white person in the choir. This choir was different than other churches I had been to. All the music was performed without the sheet music or the words. We had to memorize it all, words, melody, everything. For me this was new and difficult. Since I was not a trained vocalist I would again listen to the people around me to pick up my part. Our practices lasted for hours. I worked hard to learn the parts. I did ok and got it down and enjoyed it immensely. I was getting a little more confidence as I learned the songs and would sing out in practice and ask if that was the right part.

Eventually they asked me to be on the praise team that led the praise and worship during the weekly church services. There were about 6 or 7 of us. I felt honored to be asked although I didn’t really know why they asked me or how to carry my part. I was hoping they would work with me to teach me how. Instead, one night when I was performing they turned my microphone down and left me up there singing into a dead mike. I couldn’t hear myself and didn’t know what happened. I found out when I overheard the praise team leader ask what was going on because he heard it too. They told him they turned my mike down because I wasn’t singing my part right. Apparently they had been turning it down low and finally had started turning it off. I didn’t know how long they had been doing it but I was crushed and devastated. I felt so foolish like I was being used for a show. It was humiliating to me. I drove home alone and sobbed and sobbed. I was so ashamed that I didn’t tell my husband when I got home or even my close friends. It really did a number on my self worth.

They didn’t even help me or ask to work with me. I think they assumed I could sing better than I did and when I couldn’t they shut me off. Then they told me I was off the praise team while I was pregnant because it was too much for me. It was just an excuse to take me off the praise team and not have to deal with dismissing me altogether. After the baby was born and I returned to practice they sat me down and told me I wasn’t on the praise team anymore because I wasn’t a performance type of singer. They told me I could stay in the choir if I wanted to. They basically shamed me into believing I couldn’t sing well enough to perform by myself or with anyone other than a choir. I left there feeling dejected and eventually left that church until we were transferred to another base a year later.

For the next 21 years I never sang again other than in my car when no one was around or in the shower where nobody could hear me. I just accepted the fact that I couldn’t sing and the dream I always had of performing would never come true. I gave up and stuffed it in the back recesses of my mind never to be revisited again. I accepted the fact that I wasn’t any good at it, didn’t know how to do it and was not able to even be trained to sing.

How many times do we let someone else tell us we can’t do something and then accept it as our truth? We let them shame us, we blame them, then we justify it in our minds to be true. How does shame, blame and justify work to keep us down? The following is a brief synopsis of how shame, blame and justify comes into our lives and wipes out our dreams, paralyzes us and steals our gifts from us. You’ll also find out tips to recognize and overcome it when it’s been bogging you down and stifling you.

1. Shame

Shame means a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. When you feel shameful you totally shut down your emotions around that area because you feel unworthy, untalented, unable to think about whatever you are feeling shameful about without a strong sense of guilt or embarrassment. Think about when a parent or another adult scolded you as a child “shame on you!” How did that make you feel? Perhaps you did something wrong or made a bad choice and when you think back on it you have a bad feeling. The last thing you want to do is think about it.

Many times we allow people to shame us into doing things we don’t want to do, or to believe something about ourselves that is not true. Anytime I thought about what happened with the choir I felt embarrassed, unworthy, and disgraced. As I’m writing this now I realize I never told another soul about this incident even right after it happened. I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I never spoke about it for 21 years. As a result I wasn’t able to sing because of it. I believed this lie about my singing all this time! I believed it so much that I totally gave up my desire and dismissed the dream to sing. I never totally gave up the dream but just accepted that it would never come to fruition because I didn’t have the talent and couldn’t be taught because I had no ability.

Why did I believe it? Because I didn’t know any better. They appeared to be the experts and so when they spoke it was gospel (pun intended). I was sure they knew better than me. After all they were all experienced musicians and I was just some amateur that could barely carry a tune. I had such low self esteem then, that I would have never thought to disagree or get a second opinion. They were the authority and I 100% accepted what they said to be my truth. I was embarrassed and felt disgraced by the mike turn down incident and just accepted that I couldn’t sing at that level and that was final.

Fast forward to today. This time around when I was told that I wasn’t ever going to be a performer that just pissed me off! Don’t project your opinion onto me. I don’t care if you have the experience and have heard a million singers, I won’t accept that today or any day! Why? Because the person I am today believes I can do anything I set my mind to as long as I get professional training and actually do the work. If it’s my heart’s desire, I will make it happen! The key to the difference from 21 years ago to today is the frame of mind that I have about who I am and what I believe. I had to figure out why I was holding back and once I figured it out I made some plans to deal with it, heal from it and let go of that shame that I have carried all these years. Don’t let anyone shame you into believing that you can’t do something. Prove it to yourself that you can but just doing it!

2. Blame

Blame means the state of being responsible for a fault or error. Once we have put ourselves through shame, then it’s time to blame ourselves or others for why we can’t do something. I was shamed into believing that I couldn’t sing and I blamed them for treating me badly, not even attempting to work with me and why I wasn’t able to sing with the team. It’s sort of backwards because I had shamed myself into believing I couldn’t sing, but now I blamed them for why I couldn’t sing which doesn’t make any sense. Then I blamed myself for having no talent and thinking I could sing in the first place. I went to the negative self talk place and started beating up on myself further adding to the shame I took on from them. Anytime I thought about it after that I would think how stupid I was for even auditioning.

Who are you blaming for problems in your life? If you take a look in the mirror, you will see the main problem looking back at you. I had that experience one day and when I realized the problem was looking back at me and I couldn’t blame anyone else for my problems, I couldn’t blame myself in the way I had been and I couldn’t ignore it any longer; that was an ugly day. There was nowhere I could run or hide from myself now. I realized where the problem was and once I did, eventually I realized I was the solution and stopped blaming people and myself for my lot in life and start taking some action and make different choices.

Take a look at your life. Are you blaming people for things that you have full responsibility and control over? Are you blaming yourself in a way that keeps you in a victim mentality? You may be resentful towards someone who hurt you and rightfully so, but how long are you going to hang onto that resentment before you let it go? Who is it hurting, them or you? My mother died when I was 12 years old. I resented her for over 30 years. Was it hurting her? NO! It was hurting me! It was eating me up with anger and pain from the past. Are you blaming yourself in a way that no longer serves you? If you are at fault for something or are beating yourself up about a choice you made, stop it! Take some action to make some different choices and forgive yourself and stop living in the past.

Who are you blaming and what resentment are you hanging onto that no longer serves you? If you want to find out more about how to release resentment, join Tuesday night’s webinar on the GoPINK Rule of Engagement #2 – Release All Resentment and find out how you can get free of the blame game. Click here to register: https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/523975630

3. Justify

Justify means to demonstrate or prove to be just, right or valid. After we carry the shame and place the blame, then we justify what we are doing as right. What they did to me about my singing was wrong. I have no idea why they treated me that way. I let them shame me and then I blamed them and myself. Now I was angry about it and justified to myself why it was ok to be angry. I was wronged so I am justified in carrying this grudge. Not only that, I now justified to myself why I was such a bad singer and had no talent. They told me the facts and they are the experts so now I am justified in explaining why I can’t sing.

If you read the blog post on written agreements, I shared a story about how I was cut out of a business and left with nothing. I felt some shame and instead of carrying that shame I decided to see if I could release it. I released the energy around it, dropped the whole thing instead of going on and filing something in court where I would be tied up blaming and justifying my actions probably to this day. I didn’t want to be tied to that bad experience and let it all go. It freed my mind from the negativity and my body from the stress and kept my spirit at peace.

We can justify anything we want to and skew it to turn ourselves into a victim. Instead of justifying why you can’t do this or can’t do that, why don’t you figure out what you can do to turn it around and make it a possibility? All we have to do is start changing our mind and then figure out how to go about making our dream a reality. Justify why you can do something not why you can’t.

So how do we overcome the shame, blame, justify syndrome? There’s only one way to do it successfully. The only way to do it is to change the conversation from within. When I changed who I believed I was, what I believed I could do, it changed how I reacted to those people that attempted to steer me down a certain path. It’s also important to get a second opinion. If someone tells you that you can’t do something that you really want to do or it’s your dream. Don’t give up and give in to what they are telling you. Many people want to keep you down on the bottom rung of the ladder with them, so to keep you from climbing the ladder of success they tell you things so you won’t leave them behind.

It comes down to one person – YOU! It’s been said that somebody else’s opinion of you doesn’t have to become your reality. Ralph Waldo Emerson said the only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. The decision is in your hands and you have the power to become and do whatever you want to, whatever you dream about doing. All you have to do is decide and take action and go from the back seat to the front seat, take control of the handlebars of your life and roll on your throttle to accelerate towards success.